Why Not Giving A F**k Feels So Right….

Posted: December 9, 2011 in Entertainment, Sometimes I'm Sober, Sometimes I Drink

While not allowing myself to become completely apathetic, it feels so good

When I  made the decision to start and write a blog. I was at a loss as to exactly what I would write about. When I sat down and looked at the “about me” section of the blog, my very first words I typed was “Ms. Sarcasm doesn’t give a fuck.” and with that simple sentence the blockage was gone.

Sometimes, if I allow myself to sit and think about the course of my life, I analyze how I reached that impasse; how I arrived at the town of Fuckitville, and why I feel so much better for it and glad I decided to move here. The basic and simple answer is: Life is too short to run myself ragged. The more detailed explanation includes stories of boofriggityhooin’  and just in general always caring. Caring about what was thought of me, caring about what was said about me, caring about making sure I made people happy. Until one day, a little after the death of someone close, I sat down and just saw what wasn’t totally healthy for me, what didn’t benefit me, what just left me drained. I’m not totally apathetic and uncaring..I just don’t give a fuck.

Fully accepting my “weirdness”: It always amuses me when people who don’t know me well, cock their head and look  at the little things I say and I do as if I’m strange (or at worse encourage therapy). Everyone has their quirks. It takes a truly psychotic person to let them out in public. One of my biggest quirks: I like to sing show tunes, commercial jingles or sitcom theme songs at random. It doesn’t matter where I am or what I’m doing, if mama feels the need to belt out “Seasons of Love” she’s gonna do it. (plus she will also refer to herself in the third person, because that’s how she rolls).  I remember once going out on a date with a dude when I was about 18 and we’re traveling all over Manhattan, having a good time and I just suddenly started singing the theme song to the “Brady Bunch”….and some women who were walking in the tunnel going to the “A” train started singing with me.  Granted, I know there are situations where the need for solemnity might be  called for, and sometimes I might even do it. But I like to have fun, I like to have a laugh at my own expense and definitely at the expense of others..it doesn’t matter. Most people might think I’m an escaped patient from Bellevue, some might ignore me,  someone might get a lift in their otherwise shitty day. The point is that I don’t waste my time caring about acceptable so-called standards of “normal”. I’m gonna ride the fuck out of this roller coaster.

Realizing that I can’t do it all and damn sure not killing myself to do it:

365 days, 366 in a leap year, 7 days in a week, 24 hours in said days. And you know what? That’s STILL not enough time. If you are fortunate to have a job, that’s a good 8 hours a day, 2,920 hours out of your year..at minimum, if you have kids in school then your day starts earlier, you have to drag them out of bed, give them their clothes because for some reason they can’t remember to find the dresser and closets that you put them in (unless of course, they just HAVE to wear that blue shirt with the dude skateboarding across it…that is of course..fucking dirty), possibly feed them all the while trying to gulp down a coffee while simultaneously brushing your teeth while hopping one leg.  Somewhere in the middle of that is the subconscious thought that you are also supposed to go to a doctor’s appointment, then your kid is a tizzy because you apparently forgot to bake 400 cupcakes in recyclable liners that they promised their  school recycling awareness club for a bake sale. Then you get to work and your supervisor is going crazy because she doesn’t know how to explain your idea that she took credit for and wants you to write a quick summary. Then your mom calls because in all the commotion in your head, you forgot her birthday (Unless,you’re one of those freakazoids who plans every minute of your day, to which I say, you’re just sick). My point?..You are more than likely not going to remember everything, unless it is vitally important to the general health of someone (you might miss breakfast, but the other two meals should happen once in a while.) If it can wait…that’s good, the world isn’t going to end if you don’t do everything everyday.

Being liked is nice…. not giving two shits about it is awesome: I am not everyone’s cup of tea, brand of flour, drug of choice. In other words…everybody ain’t gonna like me. And it actually took me a very long time to accept that. I used to worry and damn near tripped over myself if something about me put someone off and wondered what I could do to change their mind, not realizing that it didn’t matter because then it all becomes phony and I don’t do phony. Once I reached my second year of high school, it just became quite easy for me to learn to not be bothered with people who didn’t like me (as long as they were respectful, because if not,  then it became a whole different ball game.) As I reached adulthood, it became an art. I have lots of friends, and have been thankful to have had most of them for an extremely long time, so I’m not all that bad.  There are just those as I said before, don’t. For whatever reason or misconception, and that’s okay too. They could fucking kick rocks.

People who throw stones, not realizing I can catch them mid-air and throw it upside their heads: We’re human (at least I hope most of us are) so to say we are not judgmental is a bit extreme, actually it’s fucking bullshit. Whether we want to admit or not. But I guess to touch on the being liked thing..judgements are a major reason. And the basic truth is, someone is ALWAYS judging you. You see that skinny, gap-toothed gimpy legged bitch at work that you tried saying good morning to (trying to be polite), that keeps giving you the stank eye? Yep, she’s judging. You see your MIL roll her eyes when you tell your kids….anything? Of course she’s judging you. Do you give a fuck about it? NO! Why? Because someone will always have something to say. That is the glory of flapping the gums. It is quite easy to say and criticize someone without taking a good hard look at oneself, and most people usually do. And no matter what you do, how many donuts you buy or even if you decide to follow their every criticism to avoid their criticism, the shit ain’t gonna work. As a matter of fact it will make them respect you less. By not giving a fuck and doing what you need to, in the way that works for you and if need be, sticking up for yourself, will make them respect you more. Why? Because you don’t give a shit what they think and that will stick in their minds and come out in the conversations they have behind your back.

Changing from doormat to brick wall:  When it came to the people I love/loved. I was a total doormat. I’m not afraid to admit. There was a part of me that thought that if I didn’t do something for someone or in the way that they wanted it to be done then they would remove their love from me. I was a total sucker, believing that I gave the sympathetic ear, loaned money etc. The last person that I ever truly loved is the one who helped me change that mind-set. Wanna know how? By leaving me for another woman.  Former friends helped me change that. Wanna know how? By never being around when I really needed someone. Some family helped me too. Trust me, when you realize that for the most part people you care about are using you, don’t respect you, or don’t love you it’s eye-opening. That shit made me open my eyes wide like I had snorted coffee grounds and chugged Red Bull. Now, I’m a bit more selective, and not as stupid…because most importantly,..I love me. If no one else will…Fuck it and fuck them, right in the ear.

You want something sugar-coated? Eat a doughnut: I’m not rude (although I most definitely can be) but I don’t have any hair on my tongue. So if I need to say something, best believe it’s going to be said. I can no longer be bothered with all the hemming, hedging, wondering if I will offend someone by standing up for myself or if I answer a question honestly would they take it the wrong . Or for speaking my mind when I feel something is fucked up. The same applies to my friends. They have come to realize that I am going to give an answer straight with no chaser. And if you don’t like what I had or have to say, then don’t ask me. I’m “tactfully blunt” as a friend once put it. (Whatever that means…it sounded good, so I rocked with it)

Again I reiterate, I’m not a robot nor am I totally a soulless creature, I have a really big heart but I am very selective about how much I give a fuck about things. Especially things that are going to make me go crazy….and I’m crazy enough without all the extra shit. So if you’ve procrastinated on whether or not to just not a damn..take my advice and stop putting it off….because it feels so damn good.

  1. […] Why Not Giving A F**k Feels So Right…. (mssarcasmspoisonedpen.wordpress.com) Share this:TwitterFacebookEmailDiggLike this:LikeBe the first to like this post. […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s