Archive for the ‘Social Media What The Fuckery’ Category

I pretty much start my day in the same manner everyday. I growl at my alarm clock, hit the snooze a few times, get up begrudgingly, and perform my morning ritual of getting my son and myself ready for the day. After all of this is done, I then go onto my phone and to briefly check my Facebook to see if there is anything interesting or may be see if I received a reply or maybe answer one of my notifications.

But I cannot sign on…This has perturbed me.

So I say “screw it” and think that maybe there is a little glitch as usual on Fuckerberg’s (I ❤ calling him that ,”The Social Network” did not exactly endear him to my heart.) end and went about getting my coffee and breakfast and left for work. When I was able to take my morning break, I signed on to Facebook via computer only to find out that I am banned (Whaaat??) for 24 hours because some Puritan got happy with the power of the “report” function over a picture that I had posted that was a little risque (but not all blatant with titties and schlongs galore) on my little fun page that I use to post this blog (whenever I am able to fully formulate a sentence from the many thoughts in my head) and post pictures that make me laugh and sometimes help me get a lift in this otherwise hectic fucking world .

For as long as I have ever had an email account or social media page or participated on discussion forum there are always one of two people online. The E-Thug/Keyboard Killa and the Prissy Prude. To me these are the upper echelon of in the hierarchy of assholes. They are usually immature, but some of them go above and beyond and feel the need to infect the rest of the world with their parasitic misery. I know I am no alone as I refer to these idiots, because I see it online everyday and usually I do a good job of ignoring them but after weeks of the bs I have to ask…. How the hell do you go on a page or a website, knowing full well what it’s about from the title alone or the description and then take offense to it? That’s like having sex with someone who told you outright that they have an erectile dysfunction disorder, frigid vagina or at worse and STI and then complaining when you don’t get off or your genitals become more toxic than rat poison…. Fucking moronic.

 

1. The “E-Thug/Keyboard Killa:

 

While the picture isn’t an exactly accurate representation, the sentiment is the same. The “E-Thug” is an individual who will usually see something or post on some sort of forum and have a different view from others. Instead of conceding and acknowledging said differences, this person then presses the CAPS lock in order to convey the point that they are serious (pffft..ok asshole). This individual  is also prone to virtually threaten everyone by indicating that they have somehow captured everyone’s IP address and they are sending police to the home or that they have had the time to take a screenshot to go run and bitch about someone hurting their “feelings” online, or whatever else tickles their bitchass fancy (I’ve seen it many a time and it always cracks me up.). This species of idiocy will even go so far as to create a cowardice page or website, to further annoy the masses.This person also eight times of ten doesn’t have a job, girlfriend/boyfriend, their pet ran away and they sit at home all day looking for people to annoy instead of doing something more constructive like oh, I don’t know maybe ACQUIRING all of those things.

 

 

2. Fucking Prissy Prudes

The dictionary defines a prude as a person who affects or shows an excessively modest, prim, or proper attitude, especially regarding sex.

Well then………

Sex…sex…sex……sex…………. fucking SEX! There you prudish ass wipes, I said it. Go clutch your pearls and sing your unused vagina a lullaby.  Avert your eyes, gasp and clutch your pearls if you must, but stop being a kill joy for the rest of us. There is beauty in the body, there is an art form to sex, it’s beautiful, therapeutic and feels fucking great. Go have some of it and trust me, you won’t give a shit about a picture showing a hint of side boobies or even two animals humping in the wild. This is why most of the world thinks Americans are fucking morons, because heaven forbid we really get upset about anything tragic…we get indignant over Calvin Klein ads and cleavage. It’s just tits and ass folks, just tits and ass. Personally, I think if we could see them more and get over the Puritanical bullshit, this country might be better for it.

And don’t get me going on the whole  fucking “profanity” thing. (Gasp!, Oh my, did she just say fuck? Well I never! *report, report, report* and maybe I will even include a long, lengthy diatribe full of my pompous self-righteous superiority for effect..that’ll show her!). They say there are power in words and that’s true to an extent, but,for me they are just words and have no weight in my life. And psychologists even say that letting loose profanities is a GOOD thing for controlling anger issues and alleviating stress (read it in O! Magazine Online, so you know that shit is legit)

www.oprah.com/health/The-Hidden-Benefits-of-Cursing-Negativity-and-Gossip

 

 

Since the invention of the Internet, there have been those who want to censor it and what can be found on it. And the proposition of SOPA didn’t really help matters either. So listen here assholes…I understand the concept of the term ‘freedom of speech” can never really be free because the restrictions and loopholes needed to avoid “fighting words”, libel, slander, or  incitement to commit a crime, etc. But here’s my big thing: I can and will censor myself if have to, I don’t need you to do it for me. You have the right to go about your business if what I say or post bothers you because I am not posting anything  horribly offensive. In all honesty, I’m being pretty fucking tame because my sense of humor is downright sick and as much as I don’t want to offend anyone, I could give two flying fucks if I do. My content and anything I post will almost always showcase the ironic, the absurd, and the sarcastic (name of the blog and page should give you a clue.)

 

In this world we are not going to always agree with what someone thinks is funny or what they think the world needs to see, and if that is the case click the “unlike” button, or never go to the website again and go about your fucking business. Don’t start that trolling shit or whatever they call it making it seem like only YOUR right to not view something is important, because guess what? It fucking isn’t. Don’t start hyperventilating talking about “But what if kids see this??” Guess what nimrods…. They have parental controls so if you are a parent…fucking control and watch your kids.

And on that note, I’m off.

 

Yes, yes fucking yes I know. Jay-Z and Beyoncé had a baby. Congratulations, kudos, mazel fucking tov. And after hearing the song where it was revealed that she’s suffered a miscarriage before, from a personal aspect I can understand that pain but that’s pretty much where I draw the line. Enough about it. It’s a wonderful thing having a baby, I popped mine out almost 11 years ago and sometimes I’m still in awe that my uterus was in working condition. What I don’t understand is why THIS warrants front page news in various newspapers. Why is that a woman having a child is enough for people to give more various opinions than they do for any other important event that calls for more attention and discussing. For the past few days whether it’s on Facebook, the news, the neighbors, all I’m hearing about or reading is Blue Ivy, Jay-Z, Beyonce..blah blah fucking blah.

In addition to the media circus, there is the bitching about the name. So what? Show me a celebrity who gives their child a name that is normal and I’ll show you a virgin that doesn’t know how to give hand jobs. I don’t care about it. What I do care about are the allegations that have also been made that the personal security of this couple made an issue with a father going to see his own children and wife and having his own family members removed from the waiting room. If it’s true, then it’s  disgusting. And that would be the type of entitlement that annoys me about people and their thinking process. Being a celebrity does not make a person better than any others, and if it was that deep then a home birth should have been scheduled.  But I digress, the real question is why are we so engrossed in the lives of these celebrities that it seems  we can’t function or damn near get into arguments with each others various opinions?  I’ve observed people getting all butt hurt and willing to go to bat for this couple more so than they would their own family. Even having to read about some fuckwad who stabbed someone for not knowing they were married, why?? Did the question involve a money prize of a million or so? (’cause that would be the only way you could justify that type of  to me)  What does it say about our morals and values? Why are we so ready to be up in arms and go bat shit crazy for something that is done everyday?

As aforementioned, I am not heartless and can sympathize with her having a miscarriage and now being the proud mama to a baby. But I’m not about to be all up in her uterus about it. It’s a story that’s been happening since civilization was created (or evolved for those who want to be picky). Man+Woman=Baby. Period. I care not about the monetary value of this couple, or her worth as an heiress. As a human being I am glad that she arrived into this world safely, as a thinking person I can give two fucks about it. If that makes me a “hater” to some then so be it.  There are more important things in the world.

Let me perfectly blunt: In the daily struggles and circumstances of your life, these people do not know you and do not give a fuck about you. Little philanthropic causes here and there, what are they doing for anyone? Are they making charitable donations to a family in need? Are they paying anyone’s bills? If so then fine, champion them from the rooftop, but if not then shut up about it already.

 

Sitting here at my day job bored as hell. Work has been completed, orders are done and it’s a slow one since it’s rainy and nasty. So, being that I have nothing do nor the motivation to find something to do, I log onto Facebook and peruse the vault of sharing of life information and pictures and videos. Lo and behold, I’m greeted by the unreal, the bs, the depressing..the fuckery. Depending on how many friends, fri-enemies, acquaintances, and family members one may have, Facebook tends to run the gamut once that darned news feed is opened. You tend to have the few who actually just use Facebook exactly what it was initially supposed to be: a place to post some pictures, reconnect with people that you actually liked in high school and college and keep up with distant family members.

But then…….you have THOSE motherfuckers.

You know who I’m talking about. THOSE people, the ones who make you wish sometimes that you could break their fingers through the computer or your smartphone with a mallet just so they won’t post the fuckery again.  The ones that you want to unfriend because of their stupidity and sometimes do. The one’s who just get on your gat damn nerves. Just in case you don’t I’m going to spell them out, see if there’s any one you might recognize.

1.The Wannabe Gangsta:


This type of Facebooker is definitely one of my top five to laugh at. I’m not saying that it is inconceivable for a person to develop some sort of  toughness over the years; people change, this is a fact. I am referring to the people that jump at their own shadow. This type of person is one you see more than three times a week, you might even be related to them. Suddenly, you sign on, and it’s like they were visited by their Gangsta Fairly Oddparent or something. If you’re like me, you may just give it a cursory glance and then snort in derision. If you are like my other personality, you want to shout them out about the time that guy took their chocolate chip cookies and they didn’t do jack shit but cry. What the hell is it about a keyboard and monitor that turns people into fucking Scarface?  Muthafucka, I cannot respect your gangsta when you play “Farmville”.

2.The One Who “Always Keeps It Real”

I love these assholes too, because they are usually full of shit and don’t realize it.  I mean; they are almost as bad as the religious hypocrites. This person will almost always end or begin a status with the words “Real Talk” “Just Keeping It Real”, “#teamkeepinitreal” or some other contrived bullshit. They tend to get about five or six likes from people who don’t know them that well and therefore actually believe the person they are representing is really them. Deep down, they are flakier than a Pillsbury biscuit and crumble just as fast at any sign on them backing up the words they type.

2.The “Letting You Know I’m Here” Significant Other

I dated someone like this (note: I said dated), and I know certain people are now involved with someone like this. This type of Facebooker tends to comment on everything their significant other posts and I do mean just about everything, especially when a member of the opposite sex makes a comment . For example, let’s say you see someone post some generic shit that says “Had some cheese today, it was good.” you would in turn post a comment that reads like “No shit, I had some cheese too, hooray for dairy.” Simple. Pretty innocuous. Enters the significant “LOL! Yes baby we sure did have some cheese on our burgers.  Yes WE did. I totally LOVE it when WE are eating cheese together, I’m sooooo glad we’re not lactose intolerant.” Yes, I may be embellishing, but you get the point. This person is marking their territory to let everyone know that said status maker is taken, not realizing that 1. No one gives a fuck in that sense. 2. To many people you look like a dumbass. I’m pretty sure most people are respectful of the fact that a Facebook buddy is involved. It ain’t that serious, shut the fuck up.  (let me reiterate; this applies to male or female).

3.The “Model”/The “Rapper”

I’m not going to waste too many words on this. Let me just be perfectly clear. Just because some pictures were taken in the basement of an amateur photographer’s dank hidey hole does that automatically make you a model. Put the word “aspiring” in front of the word, stop faking the funk. And just because you can make some words rhyme to a rhythm does that make you a hip hop artist, independently or otherwise. I’m not a hater and I’m not one to kill anyone’s dreams, nor am I  one to tell anyone to give up on theirs. But, if music is indeed your life, sometimes you have to re-evaluate and explore other ways to be involved, because 7 times of 10 your lyrics suck, I really don’t care if your mama or big cousin told you different  (it’s the holiday season, I’m feeling gracious.)

4. Duckfacers

I know hate is a strong word, but I hate, hate, hate HATE this fucking look. Seriously what is this supposed to convey? Sexiness? Plump, supple lips? Chicks who do this look like they got their lips caught in a steel trap door. It looks like a fucking discarded cartoon character draft. This. Shit. Must. Cease.

5. The “All Men/Women Ain’t Shit” Daily Ranter:

This Facebooker, always, always, ALWAYS has something negative to say about the opposite sex. Believe me, I’ve gone through crummy break-ups and have had my share of  dating horror stories (that’s another blog if I ever feel like revisiting what I’ve done my best to suppress). I had a few brief moments of the “men ain’t shit.” but, I got over it. Because while I am of the belief that most human beings ain’t shit, I know there are still a few good ones around. True, sometimes it seems easier to find fucking Waldo than to find one, but damn, maybe it’s time to take a step back and check what fucked-up pheromones you are giving off that is attracting these types of people. And I’m not just saying it to say it, I had to do the same thing too, because I always seem to attract the “appears normal until you really get to know them” type (shoulda known he when he told me he did a background check on his ex-wife’s new husband.)

6. The Baby Mama/Deadbeat Dad Whiner:

I know co-parenting can be a pain in the ass, been there, done that and got the t-shirt and the shot glass. In my early years of being a mom, I got into the verbal battles with my son’s father ( I ABHOR the term “baby daddy”) a lot about everything. At least ten times a day I see this type of Facebooker going off, always getting on the soapbox and call themselves clowning someone and shouting them out. Especially when they get someone new, then they REALLY want to break bad by constantly rubbing in the other parent’s face what the new man (or woman) is doing for the kids. That shit ain’t cool, because kids see that. They see a lot already and can make up their own minds.  I just don’t get how you can have more than one child with a person and THEN get on that kick about how they ain’t shit. And I don’t want to hear  “well, they weren’t like that before.”  or ” I thought once the baby came he would change.” blah blah blooey bullshit. A person ALWAYS shows their true colors, it’s just that we tend get blinded by love and some women are under the impression that pussy and baby will change a dude. (The only thing pussy has done is start wars, bad Reality TV episodes, and lyrical beef between Nas, Jay-Z and Tupac & Biggie).  If “baby daddy” ain’t shit you allowed him to be, because you still cocked your legs back and did bedroom hand stands without protection, and gave birth to more than one child for him. Men, if baby mama ain’t shit, you fucked up by not treating your sperm cells with tender loving care and not strapping up and making sure she was on some birth control pills. Don’t get me twisted, I know there are dead beat moms and dads out there, I know there are women out there who will use their children for leverage or to hold an ex hostage. But putting the shit on Facebook to get your hens cackling or your bros “hmmphing” in agreement isn’t the way, it’s a bitter pill I learned to swallow but grow up and handle that shit in private, the world doesn’t need to know that Big JuJu skipped out on a child support again.

Yeah, I could go on and on…might even include another part to this, because this is only the tip of the Facebook Fuckery iceberg. The whole purpose of the number one social website has  been lost and it’s turned into a worldwide melting pot of douchebaggery, asinine bullshit and posing. But then again I can’t complain too much, because the stupidity provided me with inspiration. Ah well, veni, vini, vici.

Until my next rant, keep it sexy..